How to Be a Fab Grandparent

Sweet Pea really is blessed with the best grandparents in the whole wide world. Not only do they love my daughter to death, but they are huge encouragements to me and my husband. I know not everyone is so lucky…in fact, I know a lot of families who inwardly cringe whenever they hear the grandparents are coming for a visit. So I spent some time this week thinking about what my parents and in-laws do that makes them really fabulous grandparents, from my perspective as a parent. Here’s what I came up with (in no particular order). 

1. Spend time on the floor. It’s great to have extra people “watching” a kiddo (making sure they keep out of trouble), but it’s a whole other level of awesome when grandparents get right on the floor with the kids, playing tea party, blocks, or human jungle-gym. Nothing shows your grandchild you love them like getting right down on their level to play.

2. Ask for a parent’s ‘okay’ before you offer food. In this day and age, a lot of parents are pretty hyper about what their kids eat. I know parents who don’t want their children to have sugar before the age of two—and that’s caused tension with the children’s grandparents. Food is a really touchy issue with most parents of this generation; we’re concerned with things like allergies and childhood obesity. If you ask before you offer treats, you build a lot of trust with parents that you will respect their wishes when it comes to “house rules.” Marc’s mom is so great at this. When we come to visit, she always makes such a point to ask what she should pick up at the store for Sweet Pea. And if she wants to give her a cookie, she always asks first. It really sets me at ease.

3. Be secure enough to take no offense when your kids raise their kids differently than you did. So you were a working mom, but now your daughter wants to stay home with the kids? Stop hinting she should get a job! She isn’t staying home to make personal attacks on your parenting methods, so stop feeling so insecure about them! You had your time raising your kids in the manner you thought best; now it’s your daughter’s turn. Trust that you raised her into a smart, thoughtful, caring person who wants the best for her kids. And accept that she isn’t going to do everything exactly how you did it. (I mean, did you do everything just like your parents?) She’s raising her daughter in a different place and different time with a different person. Things are going to look different. And that’s okay.

4. Don’t offer unsolicited advice, but build parents up with encouragement. Trust me, we parents are already freaking out enough that we’re doing things wrong. I mean, we’ve got the Internet constantly advising us one way or another. When you throw in your two cents on everything from vaccinations to family vacations, you just stress us out. And stressing out usually doesn’t help us do a better job. You know what we need? A little, “Hey, I noticed you were doing X. You’re such great parents.” My father-in-law said that to us this weekend, and to hear it from an “outside source” was such a huge encouragement to me.

5. Offer to help, but don’t butt in. My dad’s really great at this one. Every Wednesday, he comes over for a few hours to babysit so I can get out of the house and write. Every week, he tells me he’s available, and every week, he says, “Just let me know if you’d like me to come.” It’s so great, because I know I have help, but he never invites himself over or shows up unannounced. (Although I totally do that stuff to him…never mind, that’s another post.)

6. Go ahead and spoil them, but LISTEN to what parents want before you buy! My mom totally spoils my daughter…in the best possible way. She really listens to the sorts of things we value and want in our home—for example, we prefer gender-neutral, wooden toys that are built to last. So my mom often buys quality wood toys like puzzles or trucks for our house. Parents want their children to have things that align with their parenting philosophy—and if you make an effort to align your gifts with their desires, let’s just say those toys are going to be out on the shelves instead of tucked away in a back closet.

Thanks Mom, Dad, Bruce and Robin—for being the best grandparents ever.

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